[here i go again on my own.]

I didn't know that going to church could make me feel so nervous.

How long has it been?.. A year?.. God and I have a weird relationship.. Getting back into one with Him isn't easy--sometimes it scares the crap out of me.

Some people say I haven't really indulged in life that much. But I really can't summarize the last two years of my life better than with the word "hedonistic."

Is it so bad to have fun?

I don't think so, but somewhere along the way I always find something that brings me to a pleasantly debilitating standstill in my spiritual life. Especially since I currently find myself at the point where I know what's wrong with me.. But I won't give up my old life all the way, because I'm scared I'll miss it too much.

Too bad my body and my brain don't get along better.

And now, to church..