[if i just lay here..]

Let's see.. I closed by myself tonight--it was a slow one. As I stood watching the sun set over the hills, I remembered something..

There once was a little girl, who lived on a farm with her Grandma and Grandpa.

One night, she sat outside in the middle of a field, digging her bare toes into the dirt and feeling a little lonely.

She lay back on the ground, gazing up to see that she was surrounded by stars.

In that moment, she forgot about college, about boys, about work, and money, and what she should do, and where she should live..

And for once she felt..

Safe.

Mmm.. I'm going stargazing. :)

[h2.]

I drove my first hummer on Friday..

Mmmm.. :) True, the domesticated hummer may not be as awesome as the real ones overseas, but I love the deep growl of my baby. Haha! And Mr. Rummel found out that I like to drive his h2, so he had me valet it three times yesterday. "You can take it around Coeur d'Alene, if you want." Dang, I wish he was serious. People make fun of me for the stupid grin I always have on my face when I finish taking that huge hunk of metal around the lot. I can't help it. :D

Oh, and Rachael, I made sure I drove an Impala for you yesterday.

On a more serious note..

"You're mean. You are MEAN. Your words cut like a knife--you leave people with wounds and impressions that will stick with them for a lifetime. And the most amazing thing about it is.. You don't even notice."

I remember a time where I couldn't bear to utter a slightly negative word to or around a person, worried that I might hurt their feelings. How did I become so callous? Some people tell me that it's spine. I think I'm losing heart.

Can your soul die while you're still alive? I'm not trying to be "emo," here.. :) I mean, maybe it can die, but I believe it can be revived. Thing is, I've often reached the point in my spiritual life where I don't even want to try to search for restoration anymore--I feel nothing, and my hunger for being a part of Something greater than myself is lost.

Yet it comes back. I can't live like that forever. I mean.. "He has set eternity in the hearts of men." [Eccl. 3:11] It's built into me, I'll always want something more. And I don't want to let that desire fade back into the drudgery of mediocre living anymore.

No, I don't want to. So why is it still so easy to do?

[wherever you will go.]

"And I will take
You in my arms..
And hold you right where you belong.."

It was just me.. The road.. The night air.. And N'Sync.

Hahaha.. Hey, I had to do it.. I rolled down the windows and sang my heart out. And did it all over again to The Calling.. Mmm..

How is it that you can feel so good and so sad at the same time?

[arlene persons' day off.]

Sooooooooooooooooo..

Guess who's got a day off work tomorrow..? Ahh.. That's right. ;)

Not that parking the cars of the top 10% richest Americans in the United States is a difficult line of work, or anything. Getting high off the smell of new leather interiors is actually quite relaxing.

All the same, a day off is a day off, and I'm excited about what I could do with it.

Swimming must be involved, yes,.. Swimming.. Jumping is completely inevitable, as well.. I know of a dock on Coeur d'Alene Lake that will do quite nicely..

Let's see.. Friends! Most likely, Sarah will have the day off tomorrow. I must call her ASAP. Oh, and we can't forget food.. Now that I know the locations of Target, Safeway, Costco, Super1, and Walmart, not to mention the kitchen food pantry, I believe that I shall not be at a loss for this mandatory thing.. Mmm.. Food.

As to the topic of food, I would like to announce that my belly is taking on the very American shape of.. Round.

Henceforth, I shall be disciplining myself to a regular schedule of crunches, sit-ups, and crazy-go-nuts dancing to restore my slim and trim body. I swear I'm gonna be sexy someday.

Here's to the final days of summer.

[hippo-critter.]

Tonight I almost bought a shirt that said,

"no one cares about your blog."

I laughed really hard.

And then I remembered that I had one.

Ah, shoot. ;)

[9th & ash.]

Too many midol.

A dog was beaten by a trash can and the motorcycle ran away with blood running in the street. Then I sprouted wings.

That Butterfinger sitting on the air conditioning vent is totally mine.

Isn't that awful? Of all things, why did I have to think of THAT when I lay tripping on midol at 3 in the morning?!

I'm never doing drugs.

I did get to give Rachel Johnson a birthday call this morning, though. YEAH, RACHEL! Mrs. Jones TOTALLY has a birthday present for you. ;) Haha.

Ugh. So hungry.

Mmhmm.. It's not Tuesday night, but all the same..

[aha!]

I'm telling you people.. Penguins are evil.

PS.. Travis is the best boyfriend ever. :D Why?? Because he sent me..

THIS

[long line of cars.]

And maybe it will be all because of me. :D

So I finally have a job!! Well.. A weekend job. I've taken on the role of traffic director. Hehehe. Poor, unsuspecting civilians. Little do they know what chaos they shall encounter upon crossing my path. This is the way I like it.

Mistress of Mayhem.

But really, now, I think I could be quite a good traffic director, and I think it will be uber fun. :D

Haha.. Hooray for being one step closer to having a life!! ;)

[here i go again on my own.]

I didn't know that going to church could make me feel so nervous.

How long has it been?.. A year?.. God and I have a weird relationship.. Getting back into one with Him isn't easy--sometimes it scares the crap out of me.

Some people say I haven't really indulged in life that much. But I really can't summarize the last two years of my life better than with the word "hedonistic."

Is it so bad to have fun?

I don't think so, but somewhere along the way I always find something that brings me to a pleasantly debilitating standstill in my spiritual life. Especially since I currently find myself at the point where I know what's wrong with me.. But I won't give up my old life all the way, because I'm scared I'll miss it too much.

Too bad my body and my brain don't get along better.

And now, to church..

[sharks.]

Tonight on Discovery Channel, I saw a documentary on sharks. Did you know that they are now working to preserve great whites off the coast of South Africa?

Great whites feed on land seals. You know, sea lions.. Like Spanky.

Was his name Spanky?

Discovery Channel was kind enough to show me visually and with great detail how great whites like to leap several feet out of the ocean to catch the sea lions and eat them.

Heaven help us.

I would have started freaking out, but I was mentally and therefore physically disabled from staring at a glowing tube all day.

You guys, I really do hate t.v., I don't know why it's such a vice for me. Tomorrow is not going to suck this much. It can't. I'm going to do something unusual tomorrow. I'll keep you posted.

Tchuss.